Funny little one-shots
by cedalodon
Summary: Oh! Idea! How about instead of posting every little one-shot (drabble? eh..) separately, we just create one big collection of them? What a great idea my brain at 3am. Let's do that tomorrow. BECAUSE I WANT TO SLEEEEEEEP! So yeah, here you go. (Rated T for sexual humor in some one-shots. I'll put a warning under the title of those ones)
1. Intro

**FUNNY LITTLE ONE-SHOTS**

Funny little one-shots is my newest project wherein I decided that instead of posting my one-shots seperatly, like I did up to now, I will collect them all in here.

"But cedalodon, shouldn't you finish your other projects first?"

Yeah I should, but...nah.

Here's a little bit of info about this:

-Any ideas are welcome, though I have enough on my own.

-The rating is T for later chapters as I am going to use some sexual humor/suggestive language. And on that note...

-... No smut, ever. Not about mlb anyways.

-And, as always, any idea can be... reused? by other writers under the condition that they send me a link to the resulting story.

-Oh and comment, always leave comments. Your comments are my writing fuel. They encourage me to work harder on my fics... so yeah, please comment.

_Cedalodon_


	2. Advert Man

**ADVERT MAN**

"Miss Cesaire." Officer Roger lectured the young adult in a stern voice. "This is the third time this week that you attacked Mr. Bananard under the presumption that he is an Akuma. When will you learn that not everything poses a threat all the time?"

Nora lowers her head in shame at being lectured by the police chief... again. It wasn't her fault, really. She was just trying to protect her sister and everyone else.

This wasn't her first time at the precinct and it probably won't be her last.

But, during a time where supervillains and heroes in full body outfits roamed the city, no one should be permitted to wear a giant banana costume, not even for advert purposes.

Alas she might have overreacted a little. But she knew that officer Roger would just tell her to look twice next time and not engage Akumas as he always did.

No consequences whatsoever.

**BOOM!**

Everyone stared as the doors to the police precinct were blown wide open in an explosion of colours, price tags and posters.

As the 'dust' settled everyone could see a giant, purple banana, standing in the doorway.

"I AM ADVERT MAN, AND I AM NOT! AN! AKUMA!" The banana roared.

Somewhere in the back of the room sounded a slap that came from someone's palm meeting their forehead, as everyone asked one and the same question.

WHY?

"Just... Why?" Chat sounded utterly done as they overlocked the wreckage left behind by the Akuma safely from the top of a building. Well, there wasn't much wreckage, just a lot of confused police officers turned into billboards and posters, and Alya's big sister Nora on the run.

"Just... Why?" Ladybug repeated as she witnessed Alya in hot pursuit of the Akuma.

it was kind of poetic, a wrestling champion running away from an oversized purple banana, that insisted that it was not an Akuma, being followed by an amateur reporter who just so happened to be the wrestling champion's little sister.

It makes us all wonder the same thing our heroes asked themselves, standing on a rooftop in a city where giant bananas roam the streets, where people are turned into petty excuses for villains on a daily basis and where Teenagers deny their feelings to the extend that they friendzone the love of their lives every other episode.

"Just... Why?"

* * *

A/N: Just...in case your wondering, which I hope you don't, Nora is Alya's big sister from the episode Anansy (did I spell that right?).

As to why it takes me so long to upload, I have no excuse, I'm lazy.

Have a nice one.

Cedalodon


	3. Her Darkest Secret

**Her Darkest Secret**

"I am Revealer. My boyfriend had a secret relationship behind my back. Now all secrets- SHALL BE REVEALED!"

Marinette watched in horror as the Akuma, sporting a white bodysuit with mask and all, shot a white ray of light at one of her classmates, hitting him right in the chest.

Ivan, the poor boy, shot up from his seat stock still as he said loudly and with confidence " I never told Mylene how much I love her because I'm afraid she'll reject me."

The entire class stared at him not entirely sure how he got to that train of thought. Mylene would never reject him. Evident by the fact that the girl was hugging him right now.

Marinette looked around, panicking as she saw no way out of the classroom.

Then, to her eternal gratitude, Chat Noir provided a distraction by jumping through the window, breaking it as he went, and knocking the Akuma into the hallway.

All the students took the opportunity to rush out and, in Marinette's case, transform.

The Akuma was tough.

Here they were, still fighting in the school yard after hours and they were getting tired.

The school had been evacuated almost entirely, everyone left afraid of their secrets being revealed. The only ones left were Chat, herself, Ivan and Mylene who were probably still telling each other about their love for one another, Nino who was protecting Alya and the Ladyblogger herself- OH NO!

Alya

Ladybug watched in horror as the ray of light made its way towards her best friend. Alya's identity would be revealed, Hawkmoth would hunt her down just to get to Ladybug and she was the worst best friend ever to get Alya involved in this.

There was only one thing she could do and she got mad at Chat for doing it all the time.

Take the hit.

The last thing she saw as her world turned white was Alya, her right hand clutching her phone-live streaming- and her left hand outstretched, to grab her? To push her away?

She didn't know. All she knew was that her identity was ruined.

Nino, Alya, Chat Noir, the Akuma , Hawkmoth and all of Paris watched as Ladybugs eyes turned white and her body straightened.

"My name..."

Chat burst into a run, trying to get to Ladybug in time to shut her up. Alya would have done the same had she not been frozen in shock.

"...is..."

The Akuma's grin matched the one on Hawkmoth's face as he was about to hear his enemies name.

All the people in Paris sat before their TVs or mobile devices, leaning in closer as to not miss this vital moment in Parisian history.

Through her shock Alya barely realised that she was about to have the scoop of a century, Live on the Ladyblog.

"...a bread pun."

It was that time, right then, that the jaws of all 2.141 million Parisians dropped.

And all the other bakers children in the city, facepalmed.

For they knew her pain.

* * *

A/N: Leave a review. Pretty please.


	4. Over The Intercom

**Over the intercom**

Adrien came to a screeching halt right before her desk, his chest rising and falling in a desperate attempt to catch his breath.

His tight schedule, desire to meet with his friends as often as possible and his alter ego, Chat Noir, were often the reason why he was late.

Those three factors and how often and close together they occurred meant that sometimes there were days when he was on time, and sometimes there were days when he was not.

So far today was the later.

First his hang out with Nino was 'rescheduled' because Nathalie had to talk to him about the upcoming fall line. Then, halfway through the conversation (which mostly consisted of Nathalie talking and Adrien nodding and realising that he got to spend even less time with his friends) an Akuma attacked which meant Nathalie going to look for his dad whilst he hid in his room as was safety procedure... not.

So here he was now. Out of breath due to the Akuma and ready to keep listening to Nathalie talk about this and that.

However, just as Nathalie was about to continue her monotone dialog a small 'beep' made Nathalie and Adrien listen up, knowing that the intercom had just activated itself and that the only one who could do that was Mr. Agreste. Probably with new instructions for Nathalie and Adrien.

"Don't celebrate too soon Ladybug. One day your luck will run out and I will have your miraculous and then you will be the one in the garbage.

MUHAHAHAHA MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Adrien stood frozen in Nathalie's office as what was definitely his father's laughter echoed of the walls.

"Nathalie-

"Adrien-

Adrien kept quiet, waiting for Nathalie to explain why Hawkmoth couldn't be his father.

"Please explain." His voice was barely louder than a whisper as he tried not to burst into tears.

He can't be my father.** He Can't**

Quick Nathalie, come up with an explanation.

It has to be believable, logical and maybe have a nugget of truth in it.

"Your father is.. uh... cosplaying (Or non of the above. Works too.) as Hawkmoth (Abort, Abort.) right now."

WHY DID I SAY THAT?

"Really?" Adrien asked in a voice that sounded more than hopeful. "That's great news, maybe we could go together. I have the perfect Ladybug costume."

And before Nathalie could stop him, Adrien was out the door, in his room and changing, already looking forward to some father-son bonding moments.

* * *

Gabriel sighed, today was a failure, as was yesterday and the day before. But he wasn't a quitter, and he never will be.

His tablet chimed with a new message from Nathalie. With a heavy sigh he opened it and came face to virtually projected face with his assistant.

He was about to ask why she called him when, to his surprise, Nathalie spoke first. "Sir, I have to warn you. Adrien, he's..."

Unfortunately, he would never find out just what his assistant tried to tell him as Ladybug burst into the room.

Gabriel went into a battle stance, ready to call on his transformation and fight his nemesis but then he realised.

Ladybug did not have blond hair, or green eyes and she definitely would not shout "father, let's cosplay together." at the top of her lungs.

So stunned was Gabriel that the only thing he could reply was "Sure, I'll just get my costume."

And that is how for the next few years, Gabriel Agreste took the time once a week to play dress up with his son.

It was stupid, childish and not befitting of a man of his standard. But most importantly. It was the best time he had spend with Adrien in years, so he didn't really care.

That is also how, years later, they found themselves at a costume contest, building a trio of Hawkmoth, Chat Noir dressed up as Ladybug and Ladybug dressed up as Chat Noir.

Adrien didn't know how, but somehow Marinette could make skintight leather look cute.

* * *

A/N: Bit on the short site here but I'm happy with how it turned out.

This fic has almost got 10 favs so keep those coming. the final target is to have, like 100 favs, but baby steps.

Leave a review, favourite and have a nice day.

-Cedalodon


	5. Smitten Kitten

**(WARNING RATED T)**

A/N: I said there were some chapters that were rated T and this is the first. It's not that bad, really. Adrien's just being an idiot.

Leave a comment or Favourite, that would be great.

Enjoy

* * *

Smitten Kitten

Plagg groaned in annoyance.

Typical.

It's always the same.

Once a kitten found their Ladybug it was all "Oh, Ladybug is so pretty and Oh, Ladybug is so smart."

Plagg was sick of it. Which is exactly what he told Adrien.

But this kitten was just as smitten as the others.

"You just don't understand romance, Plagg. All you care about is cheese." Adrien said exasperated.

"Yeah," the little god replied "Cheese tastes infinitely better." he finished with a huff.

"Oh Plagg." Adrien replied, smiling like the lovesick idiot he was. "Nothing compares to the taste of my sweet Marinette's lips."

(Too much?)

Plagg gagged loudly, an action which did not escape Adrien's notice.

A smirk stretched itself across Adrien's lips. So Plagg didn't like hearing about his love life? Well in that case...

"Oh Marinette." Adrien loudly proclaimed, standing in the middle of his room. "Oh my love, my one and only."

Plagg looked disgusted at Adrien, his expression slowly morphing into one of horror as the god realised what his kitten was doing.

"Your hair as dark as night, your pretty bluebell eyes. I now know who you are, beneath that strong disguise."

Plagg put his paws over his ears, well, he tried. It is sort of impossible to do that when your body has the proportion of a bobble head. "lalalalalalalalalalala!"

"Everyday we see each other, and finally you're mine. Together our love is so true, oh you are my love, just mine."

Plagg had gone awfully quiet, probably hyperventilating into a sock. Not that Adrien minded.

"You hear that Plagg?" Adrien shouted in glee as her climbed his sofa facing the window. He stretched his arms out in full preacher mode as he proclaimed. "I'm gonna hug her and kisser and make love to her all night long." He finished in a sing-song.

The sound of breaking porcelain forcefully wiped the smile of Adrien's face. Someone was in his room.

Slowly Adrien turned around coming face to face with his father and Nathalie. On the ground lay broken what must have been a mug mere seconds ago, judging by the brown liquid around it.

"Adrien we need to talk." The stern voice of Gabriel Agreste rang through the deadly silent room.

Adrien had this feeling like the world was about to end.

He wasn't entirely wrong.

* * *

Extra:

"Camembert, oh camembert, where thou art my camembert?"

"Plagg, don't even start!"

* * *

A/N: Thank you for the 15 favs.

I love all the reactions I get, be it favs, comments or follows.

Thank you all.


	6. Manon

**Manon**

Smile and wave.

Smile and wave.

Answer a question here and there. Be the confident and smart Ladybug.

And most importantly, smile and wave.

Another day, another akuma and once again, surrounded by reporters. Not that she minded. As part of the superhero team keeping Paris safe it was her duty to ensure the citizens that they had the situation under control. Which they did.

Also there was something tugging at her leg and it was annoying. She had to stifle the urge to kick whatever was holding onto her spandex suit more than once in the last five minutes.

She waited until Chat inevitably cut in with another pun, drawing the attention of the entire crowd before she looked down to see what had such a tight hold on her leg.

Her gaze was met with a pair of huge hazel eyes, surrounded by brown skin, a chubby little nose and a smile that showed rabbit teeth.

What was Manon doing here?

"I want ice cream." The little girl stated.

What? WHAT?

"Not now Manon, I'm in the middle of something." Ladybug had already turned back to the reporters when a tug at her leg and the voice of a slightly agitated 5 year old stopped her. "I want ice cream."

Ladybug sighed. "Manon, we talked about this, no sweets after 5 o'clock." The girl pouted.

"But-

"No."

"Buuuuuuut-

"No." Ladybug replied in a strict tone before her voice softened and she continued softly. "We're going to the zoo tomorrow and I promise you there will be ice cream there, but only if you behave and go play with your dolls now. Okay?"

"Okay." Manon replied with a pout before turning around and leaving.

"Good bye, Manon." Ladybug shouted after her, trying to cheer the girl up a little.

The girl looked over her shoulder, waved and replied. "Goodbye Marinette."

With a smile on her face Ladybug turned bac around to her partner, her absolutely down to the core shocked partner.

"Hey Chat, your pick up lines may not work on me, but pretending to be a fish won't get you much further. Hehe FUR-ther."

At that moment Chat's mouth opened and let out all the air in his lungs in a quiet screech.

Ladybug frowned, it's not like she hadn't made puns before, then she thought back to what may have caused her partners reaction. Soon it dawned on her.

"**NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY!"**

A/N: I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote this, but now its too late.

Hehe. Stupid me.

Hope I made you smile.

-cedalodon


	7. Helpout

**Helpout**

"Okay everyone, you've all got the homework, correct?"

"Yes miss Bustier." The class chorused.

"You all checked your lockers to see that they are empty?"

"Yes miss Bustier." The class chorused.

"Then I there are two more things for me to tell you." The class groaned in anoyance. They just wanted to gert out of here.

"One, have a nice summer holiday, I wish you all a good time as long as you don't forget to do your homework." The teacher said with a bright smile. "And two, Marinette wanted to talk to all of you for a second after class. Marinette?"

The girl in question quickly got up and stood at the front of miss Bustier's desk. "Okay, I know the bell went fife minutes ago and I really don't want to hold you back I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to be very busy over the Holiday with..er..stuff, and so I can't help out my parents at our bakery and-

"Marinette, breathe." Miss Bustier told the girl as she was getting a little red faced from saying all of that in one go. Chloe was muttering something to Sabrine who giggled.

"Alright sorry" Marinette continued after taking a deep breath. "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because my parents wanted me to offer you a part time job over the holidays. I have the sign up sheet right here so if your interested just tell me on your way out."

With that Marinette took a seat at miss Bustier's desk.

The class got moving, many went passed Marinette but a few stuck behind to sign up.

To Marinette's everlasting astonishment the first in the line of students to sign up was..

"Chloe?" You could hear Marinette's surprise in her voice, and read it on her face and tell by just looking at her.

"Adrien said it might be good for me to learn how much 'work' goes into making food." With that Chloe took the pen laying on the desk and signed her name at the top.

Next up was Adrien. Marinette greeted him with a smile. "So, why are you signing up?"

The boy replied to the smile in kind. "Let's see, croissants, cookies, apple turnover... the list goes on." His smile turned into a smirk before he placed a kiss on Marinette's forehead and walked out. "See you later."

Next in line was Juleka.

The shy girl just quickly signed her name on it and left muttering a quiet "Bye".

Marinette looked after her shy classmate wondering why Juleka wanted to join when suddenly she was covered in darkness as something blocked to sun.

That something turned out to be Ivan. The boy just grunted something uninteligable before signing his name on the paper and left through the door.

'Well' Marinette thought to herself. 'This will be interesting.'

* * *

They say to save the best for last, but, what do 'they' know?

If today was a success then the others would not need to help out unless they wanted to.

Working together with Adrien was a great experience. Truly. He was attentive, he listened and he was a quick study so he figured out how the register works in no time. He got along with their costumers and her parents.

Everything was going great, Marinette was glad they found someone so compitend right away and she wouldn't have to shoow the ropes to many different people.

'They' also say not to count your chickens before they hatched. 'They' were right.

Marinette had left Adrien to man the counter so that she could check up on her parents when she heard the sound of something shattering in the front of the store.

Without thinking she raced towards the door and prombtly collided with Adrien's chest. Disoriented and clumbsy as ever Marinette started to fall backward. Adrien, who had entered the kitchen to find a broom, saw Marinette fall and tried to hold her up, instead he was pulled down with her and landed on top of her.

To make everything worse he had outstreched both his hand to prevent him from hitting the ground, both of which were now firmly planted on Marinette's chest.

She stared at him.

He stared at her.

Both their faces crimson red.

Someone coughed.

Slowly, almost slowmotion like, they turned their heads to see where the cough oniginated from. Adrien's face turned from red to pale as he spied the huge figure of Tom Dupain looming over them.

A second later he was out the door running like his life depended on it. He knew what came next, he watched anime, and he would not stick around for it.

Sadly, no one was there to record him break the record for fastest man alive.

* * *

When Marinette left her room this morning ,5 minutes before Chloe was sceduled to arrive, she had already mentally prepared herself for a day of nagging, complaining and just standard Chloe-ness.

What she didn't expect was for the blond to be with her parents in the bakery, gazing in awe as her father took a batch of croissants out of the oven.

"See how they have this golden-brown shine on them? That's how you know their ready." Her father explained to the teen as he put the pastries on a cooling rag.

"Morning sweety." The man greeted her when he saw her.

"Morning" Marinette replied.

Much to Marinette's surprise Chloe and herself got along throughout all their interactions. The girl stayed mostly quiet as Marinette explained how the register works and how to wrap up orders.

In fact, Marinette was begining to worry if Chlloe had somehow lost her voice.

She wished Adrien was here, he would know what to do with this version of Chloe. Alas Adrien would probably not show his face around the bakery for another month or three.

"Marinette?" Chloe's voice shook her out of her thoughts.

"Yes Chloe?"

"I just... I wanted to say sorry for all the times I said that your parents are stupid peasents. Your parent sare great and I'm sorry for ever saying otherwise."

Marinette stared, unsure whether or not to take Chlole serious.

"Anyway," The girl continued awkwardly. "we're out of chocolate cake. I thing there is some more in the back, I'll go get it."

"Don't worry, I'll go get it." With that Marinette disappeared into the kitchen.

'Hmmm, maybe Chloe really changed.' Marinette mused to herself almost feeling sorry for what was about to happen.

Quickly walking to the front with cake in her arms Marinette was surprised to find Alexandre already in line.

Maybe a bit of backgroung would be good at this point. Alexandre was a regular at the bakery. He was around Marinette's age and she considered him a friend. He's a fun guy and not too bad-looking either if Marinette said so herself.

The importance of him being at the bakery right now? Well, he isn't there by coincidence. As a matter of fact Marinette had asked him to come here just for Chloe.

"Good afternoon." Alexandre greeted Chloe who was serving the costumers. Discreetly Marinette turned her back to Chloe, not wanting to be caught starring but not wanting to miss anything either.

Chloe smiled kindly. "How can I help you?"

"I would like to pre-order one of tomorrow's breads from yesterday please." Alexandre gave his order.

Chloe gave him a bestranged look. "I'm sorry?"

"I'd like to pre-order order one of tomorrow's breads from yesterday please." Alexandre repeated happily.

"That's not possible." Chloe replied a bit confused. "Tomorrows bread from yesterday is already here today , you can't pre-order it."

"But tomorrow the bread only costs half price because it's from yesterday." Alexandre replied still with that happy smile on his face. "And that's what I want."

"B-But that's not possible. There's no bread today that's from tomorrow's yesterday." Chloe replied.

"But it's right there." Alexandre exclaimed, pointing a finger at the showcase full of bread.

"What?"

"The bread that's from tomorrow's yesterday, it's right there." Alexandre pointed out allowing his smile to turn into a triumphant smirk for just a second.

"But, that's today's bread." Chloe argued, not without a hint of snarkiness in her voice.

"That's why I want to pre-order it."Alexandre reminded her, kind smile in place. "because it's half price then."

"But you can't pre-order it. Imagine if everyone would do that, where would I store all that bread? I don't have that ammount of space here." Chloe replied a little frustrated.

"So the storage room is the problem?" Alexandre asked.

"Yes." Chloe replied, smiling in relieve at having finaly found a good argument. "We need the storage room for tomorrow's bread."

"Well if that's the problem." Alexandre replied."Then I'll just order tomorrow's bread from yesterday and take it with me right away."

Chloe stares at Alexandre.

Then she sees the line of people waiting to be served behind Alexandre, a very long line of people.

With empty eyes Chloe grabs a loaf of bread, wrapped it up, and rang it up at the register for half the price.

Alexandre thanked her and left the backery with a shit eating grin streched across his lips.

In the bakery the next costumer walked up to Chloe. "Hello." Greeted the girl in a quiet voice.

"Hello." A middle aged man returned the greeting with a smile. "I'd like to pre-order six breadrolls from tomorrow's yesterday please."

Marinette had a feeling Chloe would not work in the bakery for much longer.

* * *

A/N: Funfact, this chapter was supposed to be its own little fanfic, sadly I didn't have any ideas for the chapters of Juleka and Ivan and the ones I did have were not good. So I decided to just stick them together and upload them here. Sorry if it ends a little abrupt, my bad.

I was honestly about to write a wholesome and heartwarming chapter for chloe but...no, just no.

Hope you enjoyed, I know I did, and have a good night.

-cedalodon


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